You learn in relationships, all of them.

When I was younger I didn’t know much about relationships. In high school I talked to guys and I dated some, however I never had a serious boyfriend until a couple years after I graduated. Many of the connections I formed back then were extremely weak, but I was oblivious to that. Now I’ve come to a point in my life where I think I’ve learned the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships and how to spot them.

There were two main relationships in my life that I had, one was healthy, the other was not. The first relationship began when I was in high school, in my sophomore year spanish class where I met Vincent. Now here’s a disclosure before I continue; Vincent and I never actually dated, he and I were best friends for the majority of the time together, but I can assure you that he taught me more about relationships than any of the other guys I was dating at the time.

So anyways, back to the story. We met our sophomore year of high school and right when we met, we instantly had a connection. He was one of the funniest guys I’d ever met and our personalities just clicked instantly. Of course, when you meet someone and hit it off so well, like we did, it is easy to start developing feelings for them, which is exactly what happened. I started to have feelings for Vincent and everyday I would look forward to seeing him in Spanish class and getting those butterflies in my stomach when I talked to him. Now this crush went on for months, and me being the person I am, did nothing about it. As much as I wanted to tell him how I felt, I was afraid I would jeopardize the friendship we had formed; so I just kept quiet. We remained friends all through the next couple years, and my feelings for him seesawed throughout that time. During our senior year we both got into relationships and even during that time we still made time to see each other and maintain our friendship. Shortly after we graduated, however, I decided to end the relationship I was in and Vincent was still with his girlfriend so we stopped talking. Months went by without speaking to each other and I was honestly hurt because I had just gotten out of a relationship and now my best friend didn’t want to speak to me anymore. During those few months I was able to reflect on our relationship over the years and think about what he meant to me. Vincent and I had always had a rocky relationship, we fought constantly over stupid things, he would make comments to intentionally upset me, and he gave me mixed signals about his feelings.

lovers

I realized during this time that I spent a lot of my time in high school being in love with him and quite honestly, I was still in love with him. After I had this epiphany I decided that I was going to move on from wanting to be in his life, because he so clearly moved on from being in mine. It didn’t exactly work out that way though. It had been about seven months since me and Vincent had spoken, when one day out of the blue he sent me a text message. It said, “Hey, I know this is a random question, but do you ever miss being my friend?”. When I read that message, all I wanted to do was cry. In my head all I could think of was about how much I had missed him during those seven months, but I also remembered how much he had hurt me by turning his back on me. I responded “Of course I miss being your friend.” And he replied “Me too.” He apologized for not speaking to me for so long and he said he had been dealing with a recent breakup in his relationship.

I told him I was here for him if he needed. It felt like old times, being there for him. We talked all night that night and he told me about how he missed hanging out with me, so we decided to link up. He came over to my house and that night we kissed. That night changed everything for me. I was so overwhelmed with joy that I finally got to kiss the boy I had been in love with for over 3 years. The next few days I just remember being filled with happiness, and we continued to hang out. One night, we decided to get even more intimate and we had sex. Of course for me, I was thrilled, thinking that this relationship was going to go to the next level with him and we were finally going to be an item. After we finished, we were laying together and he started asking me advice about how to win back his ex girlfriend.

I was so devistated, humiliated, and angry that I had to kick him out of my house immediately. My heart was broken, as I realized that our relationship was nothing but a joke to him. All this time I had really cared about him and his feelings and he didn’t give a shit about mine.

It took a long time for me to heal from that, but now looking back on it, I can say I’ve learned a few things: 1. Friends come and go, even the ones you are closest with. 2. In order to maintain a good friendship BOTH people have to to make an effort. 3. Love is conditional (aside from family). 4. Time is the best healer of all wounds.